whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
