Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
