put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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