im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
