everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
