His pubic hair was longer than his dick
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
