I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
