i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
