so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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