never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
