My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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