Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
