Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think your dad took our porno
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
