I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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