Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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