Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
