yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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