Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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