Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize