just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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