The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
