So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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