eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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