he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
