no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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