I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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