Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize