My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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