I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
