she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
