youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
