Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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