she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
