But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
