his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There r osticjed everywhere
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
