the condom got lost in my hair
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
