It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
