Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
