The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
