Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
