So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
