i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize