there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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