Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
