I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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