I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
