i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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