I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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