i just google imaged poop.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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