is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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