My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
