so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize