I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She needs sedatives and a leash
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
