He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
