You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
