Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
