What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
