Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
