Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
