Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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