So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
