either way he was missing a nipple.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize