i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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