I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I will be naked everywhere
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
