I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
