what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
