yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
